“Natalie, darling… your father and I… we’re getting a divorce.” Her parents stood side by side staring at her nervously, waiting for her reaction.
Natalie knew this was going to happen. She couldn’t act like she hadn’t seen it coming. For years, she had been bracing herself for the news and so prepared was she that she didn’t feel the need to shed any tears.
“Fine” was all she said and she proceeded upstairs to pack her things.
2 months later
“You’re getting married to him?” cried Natalie with disbelief. “I’ve never even met him!”
“Darling, I… I know this is sudden but…” Natalie’s mother faltered but quickly regained her confidence and raised her chin up higher. “Yes. Yes I am.“
“You’ve only just divorced dad!”
“Well, honey, love doesn’t wait. Please understand.” With that, her mother walked away.
Natalie fell onto her bed. I’ve never freakin’ met the guy! She pounded her pillow into a shapeless blob as her mother popped her head into her room again.
“By the way, it’s in three weeks. You’re the flower girl.” Then she walked away once more.
Natalie’s mouth fell open. “I’m fifteen! Fifteen! MOM!” she screamed after her mother. Why did she think she’d want to be the flower girl? She pounded her pillow once more as she realized that her mother really didn’t care what she wanted. She couldn’t. God what’s wrong with her?
Natalie sat up on her bed and stared at a blank space on the wall. All of a sudden she threw her pillow at it and screamed. She screamed and screamed and kept on screaming. Then when she could scream no more, she lay back down on her bed and cried.
This is short, but it's just the prologue. Please tell me what you think! I'm always looking for ways to improve.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,800 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is certainly a strong start here. Its not the most unique of situations but it certainly is the sort of thing that gets your attention pretty strongly as a reader and the way you preface this whole situation with a strong sense of inevitably there is quite crazy there. The personality of this person also shines through nicely through this bit here and on the whole it makes for a pretty strong scene there.
OOoh well this is talking a slightly harsher and faster turn than most with this particular storyline. Well this is certainly getting more and more interesting the more we go along with things here. Its definitely pushing us to see both sides of the coin as well in the way you describe. There is a clear distinction towards the sort of injustice being projected there but I like that things aren't fully black and white either at least they don't appear that way to me.
Hmm not entirely sure about the ending there. It is quite powerful and it works well with the pace you've set and the point you want to bring across there but the reaction seems a tad too exaggerated. I'm not saying its too strong, its just a little too focused on screaming and crying as opposed to more reflection on the emotions there. I feel that way you could make this a bit more powerful and impactful to the reader than what we've got here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Good start to the book, i'm sure a lot of teenagers will be able to relate to her confusion and anger.
The main thing i would say is that this kind of thing has been done before so i'm interested to see what new element you'll bring to the broken family story.
The spelling, punctuation and grammar was pretty good and there's definately potential there.
Keep going! Can't wait for the next part.
Hi Miss Ching! Welcome to YWS! You c “You’re getting married to him?” cried Natalie with disbelief. “I’ve never even met him!”
“Darling, I… I know this is sudden but…” Natalie’s mother faltered but quickly regained her confidence and raised her chin up higher. “Yes. Yes I am.“an call me Stella and I will be your reviewer today
I. NITPICKS
Why is she packing? They haven't told her where she's living or anything, have they?
Dad, in this case, should be capitalised.
Okay...
II. PROLOGUE-INESS
I always think that one of the problems about prologues is that people don't know when to call it a prologue and when to call it Chapter One. Now, I don't know where your story itself is going to go, but this seems a bit Chapter One to me... The first part, admittedly, is more of a flashback, but it still didn't feel quite like a prologue. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, that's just my thoughts on it. The second half, especially, could just be another part of your first chapter.
III. OVERALL
You say itself it's short, so there's not much to critique
Hope I helped, and if you have any questions about the review or YWS or cheese or anything at all, just drop me a note!
-Stella.
Interesting. . . . I'm curious about how this will turn out.